My Days Wasted
"...I tried to sleep on the cold planked floor of the ship, I couldn't sleep as the first class individuals kept dancing and singing above me. I heard the moans of a baby crying, weeping, people sniffing their nostrils out and sneezing. The wind blowing peoples stink into my face like rotten eggs in a shoe..."
Jeremiah, I like the way you started your diary entry as though you were only including an extract - "..... This is a good technique to use when writing a short descriptive passage. Your writing describes the differences in what you were experiencing down below the deck and what the first class people were experiencing above. I like that. What I'd like to know is how you came to be on this overcrowded ship and in the position you are in? Do you have family members with you; where are you going?
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